Dear Luv Doc,
I’m stuck in a spin cycle on constant repeat. I’m a woman in my early 40s. Single again after another failed relationship of a couple years that feels like a scrambled version of the last one and not to mention others beforehand. It’s easy to say, just don’t date that type, however things aren’t always so transparent to begin with. Plus, I’m the type to fall fast and hard. Being a Leo, I also tend to stick as I’m loyal to a fault. When speaking of past relationships, I struggle to find the person who likes to be an adult. Take responsibility on a large scale by supporting themselves financially or even a small scale of keeping up with cleaning their bathroom. The last guy, I couldn’t even get out of bed before 3pm. I’m not trying to say I have it all together, but I think mostly do. When working on the relationship I tend to give advice and make suggestions of how to improve and move forward with a healthy lifestyle. It’s never received well. I know Peter Pan never wanted to grow up, but can you tell me there’s hope to find someone who will?
– More Opinionated Than Wendy
I am going to go out on a limb here and guess you don’t fall fast and hard for accountants, engineers, or career military types. Say what you will about their joie de vivre, those dudes definitely know how to put a spit shine on a crapper. I am generalizing, of course, but if you truly are seeking a guy who really has his shit together, you know where to find him: in bed. Before 10. Because he’s a morning person who likes to get stuff done before people get to the office. He drives a four-door sedan and he’s current on his car payments. He’s also a homeowner … in Pflugerville. There is a really high-percentage probability he doesn’t read this column. Touché. People who have their shit together probably hate advice nearly as much as people who don’t.
There’s a hot tip while we’re at it. Nobody likes to get advice and tips on self improvement from the person they’re sleeping with. I mean yes, ideally each partner in a relationship values the other’s opinions/knowledge, but there is a term for when someone in a relationship constantly gives advice and makes suggestions: It’s called nagging, and regardless of whether that advice or those suggestions are spot on on, it’s generally poorly received. If you find yourself in a relationship where you feel compelled to constantly give advice and suggestions on self-improvement to your partner, honor that feeling. It’s telling you that you chose the wrong person.
Having the humility to admit you made the wrong choice isn’t going to be easy. After all you’re a Leo, right? Egotistical, dominant, self-centered, impatient, inflexible, a general lack of self-awareness. In other words, the perfect mate for someone who thinks exactly like you do, if only you were attracted to that kind of person. Astrologically speaking, you are most likely attracted to positive, enthusiastic, charismatic, creative types who are sexual dynamos. They would obviously be the perfect mate once you help them get their shit together. Right? And then after a few years of obviously great advice and suggestions on self-improvement, they are still sleeping in until three in the afternoon. Why? Because they are too lazy to break up with you; otherwise, they would have bolted a long time ago.
Now, I know all this sounds like I am being hard on Leos, but I think it’s important to point out that I don’t put much stock in astrology. As far as I can tell, stars are good for four things: light, dust, navigation, and inspiration. As to whether stellar alignment is a good guide for making life choices, I am not so sure. I appreciate that astrology helps us tell the story of ourselves in a fun way that somewhat absolves us of responsibility for our actions, but it should never be the motivation for those actions. Ultimately, you are the captain of your own ship, and if your ship keeps running aground time and time again, maybe it’s time to ditch the astrolabe and change your course. Perhaps your frustration lies not in the inability of your partners to evolve, but rather in your inability to evolve. I could be wrong, but it’s worth some thought. If nothing else, maybe you can learn to appreciate Peter Pan for who he is instead of resenting him for who he is not.