The greatest thing by far, according to Aristotle, is to be a master of metaphor.
cracks knuckles
dons toga
grabs stylus
Eating according to your blood type is like eating according to your sun sign.
And exercising according to your body type is like exercising according to your zodiac sign.
And starving yourself throughout the week so you can gorge on the weekends is like wearing a seatbelt so you can drive like a maniac.
And avoiding an individual food or macronutrient “because it makes you fat” is like avoiding the snow because it “causes hypothermia.”
And trying to out-exercise an out-of-control diet is like trying to shovel sand against the tide.
And taking BCAAs in addition to eating plenty of protein is like watering your lawn . . . after a storm.
And sacrificing sleep to have more time for just about anything is like trying to cure dandruff with a guillotine.
And taking a multivitamin supplement instead of eating a nutritious diet is like calling a finger painting a Rembrandt.
And relying solely on caffeine for energy is like trying to borrow your way out of debt.
And avoiding plant foods because you don’t like them is like staring at the sun because you don’t like the shade.
And not lifting heavy weights for fear of getting “bulky” is like avoiding sugar for fear of getting “addicted.”
“But Mike,” you sneer, “those are similes, not metaphors.”
Okay, and? Everyone gets it, Shakespeare—things are like other things. The audacity. Here, have one more, dingus:
Viewing exercise mostly as a way to burn calories is like viewing marriage mostly as a way to get laid.
Legion Featured Author
Mike Matthews
Mike Matthews is the founder of Legion as well as the author of several award-winning fitness books, including Bigger Leaner Stronger, Muscle for Life, and The Shredded Chef.
His simple and science-based approach to building muscle, losing fat, and getting healthy has sold over a million books and helped thousands of people build their best bodies ever, and his work has been featured in many popular outlets including Esquire, Men’s Health, Elle, Women’s Health, Muscle & Strength, and more, as well as on FOX and ABC.
You can find Mike on Twitter, Instagram, YouTube, and Facebook.
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Many companies use shipping and handling fees to increase their profit margins, but here at Legion, we hate profits, so our shipping is free!
Okay, so we do dig on profits, but we also go in for happy customers, and free shipping works like gangbusters. So, if you live in the UK or Canada, your order ships free when it’s over $99.
Why the restriction on international orders? Unfortunately, shipping abroad is very expensive, and if we didn’t require a minimum order size, we’d lose a lot of money. But! We’re also hustling to improve our international logistics and will be passing our savings along to our international customers.
Also, if you don’t absolutely love our stuff for whatever reason, we don’t request you deliver it to a PO box in the Gobi Desert by carrier pigeon.
We just . . . wait for it . . . give you your money back. No returns. No forms. No nonsense. Holy moo cows.
That means you can say “yes” now and decide later. You really have nothing to lose.
Free Worldwide Shipping & Returns
Many companies use shipping and handling fees to increase their profit margins, but here at Legion, we hate profits, so our shipping is free!
Okay, so we do dig on profits, but we also go in for happy customers, and free shipping works like gangbusters. So, if you’re outside the USA, your order ships free when it’s over $199.
Why the restriction on international orders? Unfortunately, shipping abroad is very expensive, and if we didn’t require a minimum order size, we’d lose a lot of money. But! We’re also hustling to improve our international logistics and will be passing our savings along to our international customers.
Also, if you don’t absolutely love our stuff for whatever reason, we don’t request you deliver it to a PO box in the Gobi Desert by carrier pigeon.
We just . . . wait for it . . . give you your money back. No returns. No forms. No nonsense. Holy moo cows.
That means you can say “yes” now and decide later. You really have nothing to lose.
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